1) Go buck wild. Your guardians are nowhere to be seen, so party—and I mean party—like nobody is watching, not even God. But that hangover, or that person next to you this morning, or the fact that yesterday was Friday and today is somehow Sunday, is your responsibility. And, oh yeah, that whole school thing—that studying of Rashi (who rocks) or Plato (who rocks) or the Dome of the Rock—is on you, too. Yep, welcome to the shit that is adulthood. It only gets … more consequential.
2) Never, ever, ever smoke cigarettes. Do they look cool? Yes, they sure do. Do they go hand in hand, quite literally, with a cocktail? Sure do. Did Mila Kunis chain-smoke to lose weight for her role in Black Swan? She sure did. Does the image of her smoking cigs make her hotter? Sure does. But—and I speak from experience here—smoking is a hell of a love affair to give up. And trust me, you’ll eventually want to: They make you and everything around you stink, and, like, after a while it gets annoying to have to sneak out during seders to have a puff. Oh, and, despite their lusciousness, they kill you, leaving your wallet empty along the way. And nobody wins there. (Smoking weed, though? That’s another story. See No. 5.)
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